


A Better Reason

by Ithiel_Dragon



Series: Reasons [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Immature Paladins, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Shiro has many issues, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), shiro needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-09-26 20:08:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9920423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithiel_Dragon/pseuds/Ithiel_Dragon
Summary: Keith and Shiro talk after the night they spent together.  It doesn't go quite as either of them planned.





	1. Chapter 1

Shiro wasn't sure what time it was, and that in itself was a bit alarming. During his captivity, and even once he'd escaped to become the leader of Voltron, he'd grown used to not getting more than a few hours of sleep a night. He was used to waking up and being instantly alert ready to fight for his life. One had to be in Galra prisons. Even now, when he was no longer a prisoner, there was no telling where or when Zarkon might attack, so light sleeping and short hours remained useful.

But right now he felt far from alert. His thoughts felt heavy and sluggish, much like the rest of his body. He knew he'd slept far longer and deeper than usual; when he hadn't been drugged first. But he knew he hadn't been drugged this time because he didn’t feel any of the other normal aftereffects. Instead he felt warm, comfortable, and frankly like he could sleep for several more hours like this. Like an addict finally getting a hit, he craved the deep dreamless rest he didn't think himself capable of anymore.

His confusion however pushed his mind more towards wakefulness, even though his body rebelled against it. He became aware of the lithe yet strong limbs tangled around him, of  a warm breath tickling across his forehead, and of soft skin beneath his human fingertips. Things he'd at first written off as remnants of a rare pleasant dream.

However, realizing that this wasn't a dream, Shiro's eyes snapped open and he sat up sharply. The abrupt movement produced a disgruntled noise from his sleeping bedmate, and he looked down at the younger man sleeping next to him in near horror. Keith? Why was Keith in his bed? What had they done?  Had he... since Keith was still completely clothed, and he was still wearing his pants most likely not much had happened. 

Was that relief or disappointment he felt? Then the events from the night before came trickling back, feeling more like a fantasy than reality. Maybe because this had been something Shiro had wanted for so long but had given up believing he could have.

The way Keith had looked at him last night. Touched him. So thoughtful and caring, never shying away despite Shiro's… deformity. Keith's offer had come as a surprise. If Shiro hadn't been so tired, his defenses down… If he hadn't been in so much pain, desperate for any kind of relief… He never should have let it go so far. Shiro could barely look at himself in the mirror, couldn't look at the body he didn't feel belonged to him anymore, without flinching. But Keith looked at him and touched him as though he was something precious, something to be treasured. Shiro couldn't even remember the last time he had been touched like that without the intent to cause pain. He couldn't remember how he had gotten many of the scars he carried.  But Keith never should have seen him like that. Shiro had never wanted him to know…

What the hell had he been thinking?

"Shiro?", Keith's sleepy voice pulled Shiro's thoughts back from the precipice, though he still felt precariously close to the edge. He couldn't break. Not now. Not like this. Not in front of Keith, of all people, who still somehow looked up to Shiro, like he was some kind of hero.

_You're not a hero. You're a killer._

Shiro flinched at his own thoughts, but it was true. The proof of what he'd done was written on his very skin.

_They were just like him. Prisoners of the Galra. Forced to fight in the arena for the sick amusement of the spectators. None of them deserve to die. They fought for their lives or families. He could have let them live if he truly wanted to… but he was too much of a coward to die._

"Shiro, are you okay?" Keith's words were clearer; his voice more alert now. Shiro felt the light brush of fingertips down his back and felt ready to buckle under the tender touch. He wasn't prepared for this.  He didn't know when an affectionate touch had become more foreign to him than a painful one.  He wasn't sure when he began to fear the concern and care of friends more than the hate and abuse of his enemies. 

Maybe it was when he realized he didn't deserve that kind of care anymore. Not after what he'd done.  He was a murderer. They had turned him into a monster... Maybe he had always been one and they just brought it out.  He was broken, tainted…

"Shiro, look at me," Keith suddenly demanded and Shiro realized he was shaking. His skin felt cold and clammy and Keith's gentle touch practically burned. He shook his head away, trying to extricate himself from this situation. But there was really no delicate way to do it; he was trapped between the wall and Keith, and the only way to get out would be to climb over the younger man.

"Shiro, please!"

It was the almost frightened tone in Keith's plea that finally seemed to shake something inside of him and a rattling breath finally left Shiro's lungs. They ached from lack of air, his breaths coming fast but none of it quite reaching his lungs.  His heart was racing in his chest and dark spots were dancing in front of his eyes. He was on the verge of passing out when he felt Keith's arms wrap around him from behind, the younger man's chest pressing against his back, and his voice whispering directly into his ear, "Easy. Slow breaths, Shiro. With me. Just breathe."

It shouldn't be so difficult to obey such a simple command, and yet it felt like a monumental effort to draw just a small amount of air into his seizing lungs.

"That's it," Keith praised him nonetheless, pressing a tender kiss to his shoulder, and his next exhale left Shiro in nearly a sob. His body instinctively gasped for another breath and then another. One of Keith's hands rubbed soothingly against his stomach while the other rested firmly over his frantically beating heart. Shiro reached up to grasp that hand with his human fingers, and Keith twined their fingers together. Something tight in Shiro's chest eased and he took next breath a little easier.

By the time the panic attack was over, Shiro felt nearly as drained as he had last night and slumped in Keith's arms despite his earlier thoughts. Keith gently helped him turn around so he was now facing the younger man and Shiro felt too wrung out by that point to resist when Keith brushed his sweat slicked hair back from his forehead. He buried his face against Keith’s neck and it was more comforting than Shiro wanted to admit. Keith’s arms wrapped around his back tightly, holding him close, as though his will alone could keep Shiro from flying apart. Maybe he could.

"Did you have a nightmare?", Keith finally asked cautiously, and Shiro didn't know whether to laugh or sob. The last year of his life had been one long nightmare. It was pure irony that he woke from the first peaceful rest he could remember in a long time and immediately had a panic attack. Even worse now that Keith had been a witness. Shiro hated the idea of any of his friends seeing him like this, but Keith...

"Not exactly," he whispered, his voice sounded rough even to his own ears, and Keith's arms tightened around him. A part of Shiro wanted to pull away from the offered comfort, feeling as though it wasn't deserved. But the greedy part of him pressed closer, drawn to the younger man's warmth like a moth to a flame, uncaring of being burnt. "I'm sorry…"

Several long moments passed when all he could hear was his own rapid heart beating in his ears.

"What for?" Keith finally asked, sounding confused.

Shiro had no idea how to answer the earnest question. He was sorry for everything… Everything he had done since kerberos but Where did he even begin explaining that? There was no way he could burden Keith with all of that. His sins were his alone to deal with.

"Shiro, please talk to me?" Keith whispered and Shiro shook his head slightly.

"You should go," Shiro finally managed faintly. Perhaps the words would have held more conviction if he could stop clinging to Keith like a frightened child.

Again Keith fell silent for a long time, and then finally asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

This question shocked Shiro enough that he pulled away from Keith to look at the younger man in the eye. But now it was Keith who was avoiding his gaze.

"No. Of course not. Why would you think that?" Shiro asked. Keith's brow furrowed and he chewed on his lip, clearly frustrated. But when he finally lifted his face to look at Shiro there was a new determination in his eyes that frightened Shiro a little.

"Then why do you want me to leave? I thought… last night..." Keith pressed his lips together and Shiro could see his cheeks flush even in the dim light of the room. It finally dawned on Shiro what Keith was talking about, and it was his turn to blush. Last night he had kissed Keith. Shiro hadn't forgotten, not exactly, but he'd been half asleep at the time and convinced it had only been a dream.

"Fuck…" Shiro whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and scrubbing his face with his hands, "I'm… I'm sorry, Keith. I shouldn't have... done that..."

Keith sat up and shifted away until they were no longer touching. Shiro's entire body ached to close that distance again and sink back into Keith's warmth. At the same time, he had to resisted the urge to cover up, to hide the body he felt so ashamed of.  The silence that followed was almost physically painful.

"Why? Because you didn't mean it?" Keith's faint words were laced with hurt and it tore at Shiro's heart. This was exactly what he'd wanted to avoid. He never wanted to hurt Keith.

"No! That's not… Keith…" Shiro let out a frustrated sound between his teeth, "I wasn’t… thinking at the time.  You shouldn’t have to see me… like this… and if you knew what I’ve done..." _You wouldn't want to look at me, much less touch me._ Shiro couldn't force out the damned words.

Again, Keith was silent, for a long time neither moving nor speaking. Instead of moving away as Shiro had expected, Keith reached out to grasp Shiro's bare shoulder, his hold tight enough that Shiro could not have pulled away easily.

"Shiro, look at me," Keith ordered, his voice surprisingly firm, and Shiro found himself raising his head in spite of himself. He both was, and wasn't, prepared for the fiery anger burning in Keith's dark gaze. When he tried to look away again, Keith caught his jaw with his hand and forced Shiro to keep his attention on him.

"Listen to me. You’re an idiot," Keith hissed, and Shiro was shocked to stillness by the harshness of his words. Keith continued before he could even think of responding, "You died, Shiro! I thought you were dead… for months… but then you came back. I don't care what you look like.  I don’t care what you did. You _survived_. That's all I fucking care about. ”

Shiro blinked and he was shocked to feel wetness slide down his cheeks. Keith's expression shifted, still angry, but also softened by sorrow. Still cupping his face in his hands, Keith leaned forward to press their foreheads together.

"Shiro… Takashi… I love you. You came back to me… don't you ever apologize for that…" Keith whispered, and Shiro's eyes fluttered closed with emotion when the younger man's lips brushed across the scar on his face.

Love… they had never… There had been something between them before Kerberos. An unexpected friendship.  A surprising trust.  Shiro had often wondered what it might grow into had he not gone on that mission. That had been one of Shiro's greatest regrets.

But then the Galra happened and… everything… and he had truly believed that opportunity had long passed. They couldn't just pick up where they'd left off. It wasn't that easy, no matter how much Shiro might wish otherwise. Shiro wasn't the same person he'd been when he'd left Earth. How could Keith say he loved him? Keith didn't even know him… Shiro didn't even know himself…

"Shiro?" Keith's whisper was accompanied by the gentle brush of Keith's fingers over his cheek and Shiro couldn't ignore the soft plea. Shiro opened his eyes and Keith was so close all he could see was the beautiful, almost violet-blue eyes that suddenly seemed far too wise for Keith's nineteen years. Sad, but understanding as well, "If you really want me to go, I'll go. If you don't… want me to touch you, I won't. We don't… have to talk about this again, if that's what you really want…"

Keith paused and swallowed hard.

"But if you only want me to leave because you think you don't deserve me, or something stupid like that… Then I'm going to kick your ass instead," Keith said with all seriousness and in spite of everything a shocked laugh escaped Shiro's lips. It sounded rough, maybe even a little hysterical, but it was also genuine.

A small smile began to cautiously tug at Keith's lips, a small light of hope flickering in those beautiful eyes, and Shiro would rather kill himself than extinguish it.

"Stay? Please?" Shiro whispered and Keith responded with an immediate hug, wrapping his arms around his shoulders tightly, as though he never intended to let go. Right now, that was just fine with Shiro. His arms slipped around Keith's back, holding on just as tightly.

Keith's fingers combed through the short hair at the base of his skull and Shiro found himself relaxing into the touch without much resistance.

"I guess this wasn't what you were expecting when I said we could talk in the morning," Shiro said a little wryly. Keith shrugged slightly.

"I expected more kissing," Keith said plainly, pulling another surprised laugh out of Shiro. All of a sudden he felt a lot lighter than before. It seemed the way Keith made him feel would never cease to amaze him. When Shiro drew back he found Keith looking at him almost shyly, an unmistakable blush staining his cheeks, and nibbling on his lower lip nervously.

Shiro couldn't think of a better reason to kiss Keith again.


	2. Chapter 2

One kiss led to another, and another. He just couldn't seem to get enough. Keith's lips were dry, and a little chapped, but soft, pliant, and welcoming. His breath was warm, and not all that bad considering neither of them had brushed their teeth yet. Shiro gave into a long held desire to run his fingers through Keith's long dark hair and it was just as fine and soft as he'd always imagined. He cupped the back of Keith's neck, guiding the kiss into something deeper. More intimate. His tongue flicked across Keith's lips, a silent question, and those lips parted immediately with a soft eager sound Shiro knew he could quickly become addicted to.

His hand slid down the length of Keith's body, still warm and sleep soft, to settle on the younger man's hip. Keith squirmed closer, his leg sliding over Shiro's, around his thigh, and though he realized this might be moving faster than either of them were really ready for, Shiro couldn't seem to care. He licked into Keith's mouth and the younger man whimpered, his hips thrusting into Shiro's. His fingers tightened on the younger man's hip, and he pressed his own growing arousal between Keith's legs…

The sudden sharp knock on Shiro's door had them both startling. Keith's teeth that had been nibbling softly on his lip suddenly bit down sharply making Shiro curse and pull back. Keith's eyes were wide with apology, but before he could reassure the younger man everything was fine, a muffled voice shouted through the door from the other side.

"Yo! Shiro! You coming out anytime soon, man? Hunk is making pancakes!" Lance announced excitedly, banging on Shiro's door again. Breakfast? Already? Guess it was even later than Shiro realized. A low growl from Keith promised dire retribution for the interruption, and had Shiro fighting against a smile in spite of himself.

"I'll be there in a few minutes, Lance," Shiro called back. He wasn't sure if the Blue Paladin heard him but he assumed so since there was no more banging on his door. Shiro looked back down to Keith who was distinctly pouting, even though the Red Paladin would probably deny it to his grave.

"We can talk more later, I promise," Shiro said and pressed a soft kiss to those pouting lips as an apology. In truth even though he was a bit disappointed by the interruption, he was also a bit relieved too. Because things had been moving rather… quickly. As nice as it was, that probably wasn't very good for either of them.

Keith looked up at him thoughtfully, his fingers playing through the hair at the base of Shiro's skull again. It was more than a little distracting.

"Just talking?" the younger man asked, shifting against him. Keith still had his leg wrapped around him and Shiro groaned softly. His hand slid along Keith's thigh as though it had a mind of its own.

"Maybe more than talking," Shiro conceded. Keith's lips quirked.

"Maybe?"

"Keith…" Shiro sighed in frustration. He was quickly losing his tenuous grip on what self control he had.

Despite the rather mischievous glint that was in the younger man's eyes, Keith took pity on him and slid out of the bed. Or, maybe it was simply a different form of vengeance. Because when he stood the tight black bodysuit gave Shiro an amazing view of Keith's ass that left very little to the imagination. Really, no one should look that good just rolling out of bed, and it was all Shiro could do not to tumble Keith right back into it, breakfast be damned.

"See you at breakfast, Shiro," Keith, the cheeky little bastard, all but purred then walked out of the room with an exaggerated sway of his hips that was all too intentional. It should have been ridiculous, but instead Shiro found himself groaning in frustration as he flopped back in his bed, willing his erection to fade. Then, despite his frustration, Shiro began to laugh.

Before too long, Shiro forced himself to get out of bed as well, even though he found himself surprisingly reluctant to. Usually he didn't have much trouble getting up in the morning. But then again, most mornings his sheets didn't smell like Keith.

Damn. He had it bad, didn't he?

Shaking his head at himself Shiro headed for the bathroom, wondering if he could afford a quick shower before someone came banging on his door again, and paused in front of the mirror. As he looked at himself, Shiro found his good mood draining away. Despite the younger man's words he still couldn't understand how Keith could stand to look at him, much less touch him. Shiro had never been particularly vain before, but…

Shiro turned away and picked up a clean shirt, pulling it on quickly. Once he was fully dressed he started to leave his room, but paused when he noticed something unexpected sitting on his bedside table. Keith had forgotten his gloves.

* * *

 

The gloves were in the pocket of Shiro's vest. He still wasn't sure what it meant that Keith had left them behind. Maybe it meant nothing. Maybe Keith had simply forgotten them. Though that almost seemed impossible because Keith was almost never without them. So what exactly was Keith expecting? Keith hadn't been in his room when Shiro had gone there to return them. Shiro had thought about simply leaving them in Keith's room for him to find, but what if Keith took that as some kind of rejection? That Shiro didn't care enough to return them in person? Or maybe Keith had left them behind as an excuse to return later?

But then again, this was Keith they were talking about. Keith didn't do subtle or passive aggressive. Which probably meant that Keith _had_ simply forgotten them and Shiro was making a big deal out of nothing.

But what if Keith _was_ expecting something? Did he want Shiro to return them at breakfast maybe? That would probably produce a few questions from the others. Lance in particular. Why did Shiro have them? Exactly where had Keith left them? Why had Keith been in Shiro's room all night? It would be a rather public declaration of… whatever was going on between them. Not that there was anything really going on… not yet anyway.

Shiro thought he would have more time to figure out what he was going to do, but he heard the shouts from the dining room long before it was in sight. Two voices in particular, and he sighed. Well, he'd known right away that Keith wasn't going to let Lance get away with that untimely interruption, even if the Blue Paladin hadn't done it on purpose.

Shiro quickened his pace to a near jog intending to break up whatever fight had broken out and when he rounded the doorway to the dining room promptly received a face full of something very slimy and sticky. The room beyond abruptly quieted and Shiro wiped at his face. His fingers came away bright purple. The other four paladins were similarly drenched in the purple concoction from head to toe, as was most of the dining room. Lance was frozen mid throw facing him while Keith turned to look at him from where he crouched on the floor having dodged the goop meant for him. Hunk looked close to tears as he surveyed the mess that had probably meant to be breakfast while Pidge looked like she was in the middle of building some kind of purple goop missile to use on one, or all of them.

The scene was so similar from their first effort of 'teamwork' before forming Voltron that Shiro almost laughed. Almost. Instead Shiro squared his shoulders, put on his most serious 'space dad' expression (as Lance referred to it), and frowned at the younger paladins with all the dignity he could muster considering he was still dripping purple.

"What is going on here?" he demanded.

Lance immediately pointed accusingly at Keith, "He started it!"

While that was actually probably true, Shiro doubted that Keith had been the one to throw the first goop. Shiro raised an eyebrow at Keith who merely shrugged. Shiro sighed.

"Well, since you all have so much energy this morning. Training deck in fifteen minutes. _After_ you clean this mess up," Shiro said, then started to turn back out of the door he'd just entered.  A chorus of dismayed protests followed his announcement, but of course none louder than the Blue Paladin.

"What about breakfast?" Lance cried mournfully. Shiro paused a moment.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you painted the room with it. Fifteen minutes, no more fighting, and this place better be spotless," he ordered, then walked out. Once he was out of sight, Shiro lifted one of his purple fingers to his mouth and licked off what he assumed was meant to be 'pancake' batter. It actually tasted pretty good, and Shiro sighed mournfully. Oh well, there was always lunch.


	3. Chapter 3

Shiro had time to return to his room, take a quick shower, and change into his armor before making his way to the training deck. Unfortunately he'd been unable to completely wash out the purple from the normally white forelock of his hair.

As much as he disliked the white in his hair, he hoped it wasn't permanent.

While he waited for the other paladins to arrive he took the time to contact Coran and make sure there was nothing else important on the agenda for the day. The Altean reassured him that barring an emergency nothing required his or the other paladins immediate attention, and suggested that they should all enjoy the rare time off.

Shiro had a feeling this was more due to Coran's influence than the Princess' decision. Allura was just as much of a 'workaholic' as Shiro and he couldn't help but smile imagining the older Altean bullying the princess into taking some time off. Allura had probably not agreed to it easily, but it really was for the best. She had expended a great deal of energy creating so many wormholes back to back, not to mention the battles themselves. They could all use the break.

Eventually the younger paladins shuffled into the training room, surprisingly on time, changed into their uniforms but still very purple. Shiro had to press his lips together to keep from laughing out loud. At least they looked thoroughly contrite for their earlier behavior. Well, mostly Pidge and Hunk did. Keith and Lance were still glaring at each other and Shiro had a feeling whatever had started the fight in the first place had yet to be resolved. Shiro gave a stern look to them both and the two at least pretended to look chastised.

"All right. Team drills. Pair off. Lance and Keith. Pidge and Hunk. One fights. The other protects. I'll activate the drones in five… four…" Despite a few faint groans the other paladins fell into formation easily and Shiro nodded in approval. He wouldn't keep them too long. A few hours at most. This was supposed to be their day off after all.

Keith and Lance had a few rough rounds with the drones at first. The two constantly threw insults at one another and didn't watch each other's back as they should. But eventually they fell into synch and the training went much better. Once Shiro was satisfied the two boys had worked off some of their anger, he had the paladin's trade partners. Finally he had them work together in a group and though they started off a bit shaky eventually they got better at working as a team against the bots.

Throughout the training, Shiro couldn't help that his eyes seemed to drift towards Keith more than the others. While he still pointed out improvements to the others where he saw them needed, he couldn't help but admire the way Keith moved. Even back at the Garrison Keith had been like a force of nature when he fought. Wild. Unpredictable. Deadly. Beautiful… He knew Keith spent a great deal of time training with the Gladiator bots on his own, and it showed. Keith's skill had only grown and he was truly a sight to behold. His attacks were fierce, precise, deadly…

But with all his skill, Keith wasn't without flaws. The Red Paladin was still more comfortable fighting alone than fighting with a group, and it showed. He had to learn when to rely on his teammates for backup. That he couldn't take every enemy on his own. But he was getting better at this. They were all still learning to trust each other and Shiro was proud of their progress.

Eventually Shiro called an end to the training.

"All right. You all can go hit the showers. Try not to get into too much trouble today, huh?" Shiro said and smiled as Lance, Pidge, and Hunk eagerly rushed out of the room before he could change his mind. When he turned he was unsurprised to see Keith still standing in the middle of the training room, breathing a little heavily from the workout, and watching him intently. He looked as though he had no intention of going anywhere any time soon, "Something on your mind, Keith?"

Keith cocked his head to the side, as though considering him carefully.

"You didn't join in the training," Keith pointed out. That wasn't necessarily out of the ordinary, though Shiro usually did train with the other paladins when they had team exercises.

"Guess I just felt like watching today," Shiro said nonchalantly, though he trailed his eyes down the length of Keith's body meaningfully. When he brought his eyes back to Keith's face, he noticed a flush to the younger man's face that he had a feeling wasn't due to the workout at all.

"Spar with me," Keith said suddenly, taking a step towards him with an eager look in his eyes. Shiro was glad that the others were long gone at this point.

"Alright," Shiro agreed, and the word was barely out of his mouth before Keith rushed at him. The Red Paladin didn't use his bayard and Shiro didn't activate his Galra tech arm. The match was purely hand to hand combat which Shiro might have had an advantage given his greater size and strength, but Keith's speed and agility more than made up for that. Even though Keith was still a little winded from the earlier training, the two of them were pretty evenly matched.

Shiro had always enjoyed this. Even back in their Garrison days, Keith had never pulled any punches against him and more than a few times Shiro had walked away with a black eye because he hadn't taken the fight seriously enough. Sometimes Shiro thought that Keith had saved his life, back in the arena. Without Keith continuously pushing him, teaching him to fight dirty when he needed, to do anything to win, he probably would not have survived as long as he had.

If Keith hadn't given him a reason to come back, to survive…

Distracted by his thoughts, Shiro missed blocking a blow and received an elbow to his jaw that stunned him for his misstep. He staggered and Keith's eyes flashed with worry for a moment. They both knew Shiro should have easily blocked that blow.

"Shiro?"

But Shiro took full advantage of Keith's momentary distraction and hooked a leg around Keith's to trip the younger man. They both fell down, Keith landing on his back, with Shiro on top, knocking the air out of the younger man. The fight turned into more of a wrestling match after that, until Shiro finally managed to capture Keith's wrists and pin them down to the floor beside the other man's head. They were both breathing heavily by the time they stilled.

"Yield?" Shiro asked, cocking an eyebrow, knowing he looked far too pleased with himself. Keith huffed out a breathless laugh.

"Yield. For now," Keith agreed and relaxed underneath him. The sudden submission, from Keith of all people, who never gave in to anyone did things to Shiro that he probably shouldn't examine too closely. He knew he should release Keith now, help the younger man up, and then head back to his room for a shower. A very cold shower to be precise. Instead he allowed himself to settle even more of his weight on the younger man and Keith responded by parting his legs, allowing Shiro's lower half to slot even more intimately with his. Even though their armor definitely wasn't the most comfortable for this type of activity, far too constricting in all the wrong ways, he was still able to feel the younger man's growing arousal pressing against him. Keith undoubtedly felt his as well.

"So, what will you do with me now that you have me?" Keith all but purred, arching beneath him. The rather bad pickup line should have been hilarious, but instead Shiro groaned in desire and rolled his hips. Keith's lips parted on a gasp and his head fell back, exposing the pale column of his neck. Shiro leaned down to press his lips to the underside of Keith's jaw. He licked at the soft skin and tasted the salt of sweat and a faintly sweet taste lingering on Keith's skin from 'breakfast'. The younger man whimpered but didn't try to pull his hands free, even though Shiro's hold had loosened on his wrists.

"Shiro..." Keith whispered, his legs wrapping around the older man's waist. Shiro kissed his way to the corner of the younger man's mouth and Keith's turned his head to chase after his lips with an eager sound.

The more rational part of Shiro's brain knew that they shouldn't be doing this here, like this. Anyone could walk in on them at any time and Shiro wasn't sure he would survive the embarrassment of getting caught. Especially if it was Coran or the Princess. Not to mention it was far from comfortable, the tight black bodysuit was constrictive and didn't allow much in the way of friction. Keith deserved more than a fumbling rutting on the training room floor...

At the same time, he couldn't make himself stop. He couldn't stop grinding his trapped erection into the younger man. The soft whimpers, moans, and other eager sounds his every move pulled from the beautiful man beneath him were too addicting. He couldn't stop kissing Keith, tasting the way the younger man sighed his name, and chasing the first pleasurable release he'd experienced with another person in over a year.

"Keith... I... shit..." Shiro groaned, his body shuddering as his orgasm rolled through him, taking him completely by surprise. He gasped against the younger man's mouth the intensity of it making him feel a bit light headed for several moments. Unfortunately as the sticky mess inside his uniform quickly grew uncomfortable, so did Shiro's embarrassment quickly follow the bliss.

That... had been very quick. Probably not a surprise considering how long it had been, but still...

Shiro could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks as he drew back to look at the younger man beneath him. Keith, who was still breathtakingly gorgeous with his dark hair fanned out on the mat, his eyes blown wide with desire, and still very aroused and eager, looking up at him with growing confusion.

"Shiro? What's wrong?" Keith asked, and Shiro shook his head slightly.

"Nothing," Shiro was quick to reassure before Keith could truly begin to worry, "I just... um..."

He'd just come in his pants like a horny teenager who'd never been touched before. His face grew even hotter as Keith's look of confusion shifted to understanding.

"Oh..." Keith whispered and then the younger man smiled at him, "I'm really close too. Can we keep going?"

Shiro blinked a little in surprise. Not that he'd thought Keith would make fun of him for being... premature... But he hadn't considered Keith might be just as close as he'd been. Though he probably shouldn't be surprised that Keith of all people wouldn't care whether he came inside his own armor.

Shiro nodded, and Keith's smile was beautiful. The younger man finally freed his wrists and then with a quick move, Shiro found himself on his back with a grunt, with Keith straddling his waist. Then the younger man began to move, rocking against him, sending pleasurable aftershocks through his groin despite the slightly more uncomfortable sticky feeling of the fabric rubbing between them. Shiro groaned, his hands coming to rest on Keith's hips, squeezing Keith's ass through the thick material. Soon enough Keith threw his head back, his body arching, and moaned in a way that made Shiro feel like he could come again just from the sound.

With a sigh, Keith shifted over him, his hands braced on either side of Shiro's head, and looked down at him adoringly.

"That was amazing," Keith said, and Shiro laughed softly, a little self deprecating, though most of his earlier embarrassment had faded by that point.

"I don't know about that..." He said, and Keith shut him up with a firm kiss.

"It was. You are," Keith said, punctuating each statement with another kiss. Unwilling to argue, Shiro simply kissed Keith again and they remained like that for a while, trading soft kisses and touches. Finally the elder man sighed a little regretfully.

"We should get cleaned up. I don't think we want to go into our next battle with Zarkon like this," he said, and Keith snorted softly. Still the younger man nodded and climbed off Shiro, then offered a hand down to him once he was standing. Shiro took it and didn't release it even once he was standing. Keith smiled at him, but Shiro noticed that the younger man wasn't quite looking at his eyes. Rather a little above them.

"What?" he asked curiously. Keith reached up to run his fingers through the fringe over his brow.

"I don't think its your color," the younger man said, and Shiro chuckled softly. Keith was one to talk. Of the two of them, the younger man was definitely the more purple.

"No? And here I was thinking of dyeing it," Shiro said, willing to play along. Though in truth he had thought about it from time to time. The white... he hated it. It was yet another reminder of how much he had been changed by his ordeal. Though his hair certainly hadn't been their most pressing concern these days, so he hadn't gotten around to actually attempting anything with it yet.

Something in his face must have shown what he was thinking, because Keith frowned a little.

"I like it," he said, running his fingers through Shiro's hair again for emphasis, and Shiro scoffed a little.

"It makes me look-" he started but Keith cut him off before he could finish.

"Beautiful," Keith stated firmly, though his cheeks had turned red.  Shiro could see the earnestness in the younger man's eyes, "You're beautiful, Shiro."

Shiro shifted uncomfortably and released Keith's hand.

"I need a shower," he said quickly then walked out of the room before Keith could stop him. Unfortunately he couldn't so easily run away from Keith's words and the denials screaming in his own head.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Shiro had finished his second shower of the day he felt immensely foolish and guilty for what had happened in the training room. Not for what he and Keith had done, he couldn't regret that no matter how much he knew he probably should. It had been... good, despite the fact that it hadn't been the time or place for such... activities. But the way he had brushed Keith off and run away afterwards...

Shiro was well aware that he had... issues. Plenty of them. That was the problem. But no matter what issues he was dealing with, Keith didn't deserve to be treated like that.

He knew he should go find Keith. The least he owed the younger man was an apology, if not an explanation, and he still needed to return Keith's gloves...

So, Shiro went looking for Keith. The first place he checked, again, was the younger man's room but he was not there. Next he checked the observation deck, the training deck, and the common room, but he only found Lance, Pidge, and Hunk engaged in what looked like an intense game of charades with the mice. He even checked down in the Red Lion's hangar. Keith was not there, but he knew he didn't imagine the temperamental lion itself had looked at him with great displeasure.

Head of Voltron or not, Shiro had backed out of the hangar very quickly.

Shiro began to grow concerned when he entered the dining room around lunchtime, certain that Keith would be there at least, but the red paladin was absent.

"Has anyone seen Keith?" Shiro finally asked halfway through the meal.

"Probably somewhere being all angry and emo like always," Lance muttered around a mouthful of green food goo. Apparently the hard feelings from this mornings fight hadn't completely faded yet. Then again, this was pretty normal for Keith and Lance.

"Not since this morning," Hunk replied far less bad-tempered than the blue paladin, though no more helpful.

With a sigh Shiro pushed away the remains of his bowl and bid the others farewell. He hadn't been all that hungry to begin with, and now with the realization that Keith was probably intentionally avoiding him he'd lost all of his appetite.

Instead of going to look for Keith again, Shiro headed up to the bridge. The ship was currently set to auto pilot so he was alone as he sat down at one of the consoles. He pulled up the information they'd gathered during their last few trips through known systems, and started the tedious task of going through everything to update the ship's database. The castle's records were ten thousand years out of date, so there was plenty that needed to be done. It kept him occupied and kept him from thinking too much, which was what he needed right now.

The last thing he needed was to go over and over in his head how he'd probably ruined whatever had been building between him and Keith practically before it had even begun.

He ended up working through dinner, and only stopped a little while later when his eyes became too blurry to really focus on the information any longer. Shiro rubbed his eyes with a groan as he straightened in the chair, his back and shoulder complaining fiercely at being hunched over the screen for so long. Maybe he should just call it a night. It wasn't too late yet, but he just felt... tired.

With the intent of going back to his room, working out, and then going to bed, Shiro got up and started down the long castle hallway to the living quarters. He made the mistake of putting his hands in his vest pockets and felt Keith's gloves, the leather warm and soft from being in there all day, and felt an unmistakable tightness in his throat. Maybe he should try Keith's room one more time...

He even paused outside the younger man's room on the way, but in the end he continued on to his own room without knocking on Keith's door. Cowardly? Yes. But he wasn't sure he could deal right now with receiving a confirmation that it was in fact over. Fuck... could he be any more pathetic? He could face down hostile aliens, huge robeasts, and lead his team calm, confident, and completely composed. But when facing possible rejection from his not quite boyfriend he turned tail an ran. Granted Keith could be pretty scary when he was angry, but...

Shiro pressed his hand to the door sensor and froze when the door opened to reveal that his room was not in fact empty.

"Keith. What are you doing here?" Shiro asked, surprised. Maybe even a little hopeful. The younger man looked up from the Altean tablet he'd been reading where he sat cross-legged on Shiro's bed.

"The others said you were looking for me. You weren't at dinner. I figured you'd show up here eventually," Keith explained as he straightened and set the tablet aside. The younger man's expression was unreadable and Shiro felt his hope dwindle a little.

Shiro shifted uncomfortably where he stood in the doorway, his fingers unconsciously tightening around one of the gloves in his pocket.

"Well... you weren't at lunch..." Shiro began lamely, rubbing the back of his neck with his metal hand. The shock of the cool metal against his overheated skin wasn't helping any matters, "and I... wanted to apologize... for earlier-"

"Takashi," Keith's soft voice interrupted his fumbling and Shiro looked up from where his eyes had been glued to the floor. The younger man offered him a faint smile, "You want to come inside?"

"Oh..." Shiro blinked, realized he was still standing in the doorway of his own room, and blushed. "Oh, right..."

Keith was still smiling at him when he took a few steps inside and the door shut automatically behind him.

"I'm sorry, for what happened in the training room, after we-" Shiro began again, yet again he was unable to finish as Keith suddenly straightened his legs and stood up. His mouth snapped closed as Keith approached him and he tried his best to brace himself for whatever the younger man had to say.

"Have you been beating yourself up about this all day?" Keith asked him unexpectedly, his voice sad, and Shiro didn't know what to say so he remained silent, merely shrugging slightly. The younger man made a frustrated sound, and then suddenly Shiro found himself in a tight hug. Shiro's hands hovered hesitantly at his sides, unsure what to do at first, but then he slowly wrapped his arms around the younger man's back, holding onto Keith tightly. One of Keith's hands rubbed up and down his back while the other began to comb through the short hair at the nape of his neck and Shiro let out a shuddering breath. The tension of the day began to drain out of him and he began to sag a little in Keith's arms.

"You're impossible, you know that?" Keith said softly underneath his chin, and Shiro nodded slightly, pressing his nose into the soft hair at the top of the younger man's head. Keith snorted softly then sighed, stepping out of the embrace long before Shiro was ready, "Coran asked me to help clean out one of the storerooms. It was infested with some kind of alien bug... don't ask... it took longer than we thought. I'm sorry you worried."

Shiro nodded, feeling relieved but also embarrassed how he'd immediately jumped to the worst conclusion.

"Don't apologize. I shouldn't have walked out on you like that earlier. You don't deserve - Ow!" Shiro looked at Keith with wide confused eyes as he rubbed at his shoulder Keith had just punched none-too-gently.

"Don't give me that kicked puppy look. I told you what would happen if you tried to tell me what I do or don't deserve," Keith stated, giving him a mild glare. In spite of everything, Shiro found himself laughing softly.

"That you would kick my ass?" he asked wryly, still rubbing at his shoulder.

"Damn right," Keith said, then hooked his fingers into Shiro's belt and dragged him in closer, "Want me to kiss it better?"

Shiro snorted softly.

"Yes?"

"Was that a question?" Keith laughed under his breath.

"No?"

With that Keith reached up to clasp his fingers behind Shiro's head and dragged the elder man down for a long lingering kiss. Keith's hands were warm, his lips were soft and welcoming, and Shiro sighed as the rest of the tension he'd been carrying around all day began to drain away. He settled his hands on Keith's hips, easing him in closer, and the younger man went willingly.

Shiro hadn't even realized they'd moved until the back of his legs hit the edge of his bed. Keith then broke their kiss and shoved him lightly with his palms against his chest. Shiro let himself fall with a light laugh and scooted into a more comfortable position on the bed. Keith followed him down with a grin, straddling his hips and settling himself into his lap as though he belonged there. The younger man took his face between his hands and kissed him again, licking at his mouth, and Shiro parted his lips with an eager groan.

His hands once more settled on Keith's hips, steadying and squeezing lightly. Keith rocked against him and he could feel the younger man's growing erection pressing into his abdomen. One of his hands tightened on Keith's hip while the other drifted upwards, sliding underneath the back of the younger man's shirt to trail along soft skin. Keith shivered, whether from the cool metal brushing over his skin or the intimate touch Shiro wasn't sure.

He started to pull back, to ask if this was okay, but Keith didn't let him. Keith chased his mouth and bit lightly at his lower lip, making Shiro gasp and shudder. He arched beneath the younger man, pressing his hardening cock between Keith's legs and Keith moaned into his mouth. His hand on Keith's hip moved to caress and squeeze the younger man's ass, causing Keith's breath to hitch and another lovely shudder to pass through the man wiggling in his lap.

Keith pulled back just long enough to tug off his red jacket and toss it uncaringly onto the floor. Shiro responded by unzipping his vest, but he didn't get any further than that before Keith was reaching between them and undoing his belt buckle.

"Keith…" he barely managed to gasp the younger man's name before his button and fly were open and Keith's hand was sliding into the front of his trousers. The first brush of Keith's fingers along his hard length had Shiro inhaling sharply, his breath catching in his throat. Keith's expression shifted between something shy and determined as his fingers curled around his cock, sliding down to the base and then back up slowly. Shiro's head dropped back with a strangled groan, his hips instinctively lifting to thrust into Keith's grip. He felt the press of Keith's lips at the junction of his jaw, felt the warmth of the younger man's breath as he whispered into his ear.

"Is this okay?"

Shiro nodded quickly, his floundering hands finally coming to rest on Keith's thighs, squeezing slightly. He felt the curve of Keith's smile against his jaw and sighed as the younger man gave him a few experimental strokes. Hesitant at first, but quickly gaining in confidence. When Keith gave a little twist of his hand on the upstroke and ran his thumb around the head of his cock, Shiro groaned deeply.

"Good?" Keith asked and Shiro nodded, opening his eyes to gaze at the younger man through hooded eyelashes.

"A little tighter," Shiro advised, his breath quickening. His hands slid along Keith's thighs, almost in time with the younger man's hand on his cock. Keith's free hand dragged through Shiro's hair, combing back the sweaty strands from his forehead. A kiss was pressed to his forehead. His cheek. Then finally his lips. Shiro whimpered when Keith pulled away again before he could do much more than taste the younger man's breath.

"You're so gorgeous like this, Shiro…" he heard Keith whisper. Shiro's breath caught in his throat.

"Keith… please…" Shiro pleaded, his fingers tightening a little on Keith's hips. The younger man's hand sped up on his cock, stroking him faster, and a ragged moan was torn from his lips.

"You were always too hard on yourself. Even back at the Garrison. Sometimes I think you were the best pilot in the Garrison only because you were too afraid of disappointing everyone," Keith continued, ignoring his pleas. Shiro grit his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. Keith's fingers teased over the slit of his leaking cock, spreading the slickness down his length. His cock throbbed in Keith's grip.

"I know it's hard for you to hear. I know you can't see yourself the way I see you. Not yet. So I'm going to keep telling you… keep showing you… for as long as it takes until you believe it. I don't care how long it takes. I don't care if you walk away, yell at me, or hit me. I'll never stop believing it. One day you will too," Keith went on and a ragged sound, nearly a sob, tore its way out of Shiro's throat. He arched beneath the younger man and his balls tightened, balanced right on the edge between pleasure and pain.

"You're not weak. You didn't fail anyone. You're still beautiful, Shiro. You're still _you_ , no matter what you look like," Keith said fiercely then kissed him hard, as through he could force the words into him and make Shiro believe. Shiro groaned, is body shuddering as his cock pulsed, spilling hotly between the younger man's fingers.

Keith continued to stroke him gently, bringing him down slowly. Shiro pressed his face against Keith's collarbone, panting heavily, as Keith's fingers combed soothingly through his hair. He was trembling. Maybe even crying. He wasn't sure. He was vaguely aware when Keith finally pulled his hand out of his trousers and wrapped his arms around his shaking shoulders. Probably getting cum everywhere. Shiro didn't give a damn.

He wrapped his arms around Keith and held on as tightly as he dared. He felt Keith press a kiss to the top of his head.

"I love you, Shiro."


	5. Chapter 5

Shiro laid on his back in his bunk and stared up at the ceiling while he waited for his heartbeat to slow. Keith was sprawled half on top of him, one slender leg thrown over both of his and using his right shoulder as a pillow. They were silent, but it was a comfortable silence. The younger man was a warm, relaxed weight against his side and it was nice. Really nice. One of Keith's hands had wormed its way underneath his shirt to splay across his stomach and the slender fingers trailed in abstract patterns across his skin. Not light enough to be ticklish, but not meant to be arousing either. Simply… touching him. Sometimes tracing across the scars there.

Right now, Keith's fingers played along one that wasn't particularly long, only about three inches, but it was thick, just to the right of his navel. He had a matching scar located in the same place on his back, where he'd been speared through by a long blade in the arena. Even though he'd ended up winning that match, he'd nearly died from that wound. He wondered if Keith realized that. Probably, the way the younger man's fingers seemed so fixated on it.

Yet, he didn't tell Keith to stop. Despite the unpleasant memories some of the scars invoked, he didn't want Keith to stop touching him. Not now. He didn't want to ruin this moment like he'd almost ruined everything this morning. So Shiro did his best to push the memories away. That at least was something he had a lot of practice with. At least it wasn't as difficult to think of something else with Keith there.

After a while the fingers began to drift lower, much more purposefully, over sensitive skin that still tingled with pleasure. Guess the younger man decided he had rested enough. When Keith's wandering fingers reached just above his open trousers Shiro smiled then he snorted softly in laughter. Keith tilted his head up to look at him without lifting it from his shoulder, his expression questioning.

"You do realize this is the second time you've made me come in my pants today," Shiro pointed out and Keith stared at him blandly.

"Is that a problem?" the younger man finally asked, and Shiro chuckled again.

"Only when I run out of clean clothes and have to walk around naked," Shiro replied and Keith smiled at him slowly.

"Still not seeing a problem," the younger man said, and Shiro laughed. He knew he should get up. At least get a damp rag. The longer he waited the more uncomfortable it would be, especially when the mess in his pants began to dry. But he found himself incredibly reluctant to move. Especially when his fingers began carding through Keith's long hair and the younger man responded by nuzzling against his neck with a near purr.

He never imagined Keith could be so… cuddly. It was adorable.

Shiro pressed his lips to Keith's forehead and ran his hand down the length of the younger man's back. When his metal fingers trailed over bare skin where the younger man's shirt had ridden up, Keith jumped and Shiro froze, slightly alarmed. Keith shivered and looked up at Shiro a little sheepishly.

"Sorry, cold," Keith explained hastily, and at first Shiro felt guilty and almost pulled his hand back. But then Keith poked him playfully in the stomach, making Shiro yelp, and the younger man began giggling… actually giggling. He wasn't sure he'd ever heard Keith giggle before. A laugh broke free from Shiro before he could help it, and a rather wicked idea formed in his head. Something of his intentions must have shown on his face, because Keith's eyes widened in alarm even before Shiro suddenly flipped them over, thankfully without rolling them both off of the narrow bunk.

Now he had Keith pinned beneath him.

Before the younger man could wiggle free, Shiro slipped his metal hand once more underneath the younger man's shirt, spreading his cold fingers along the warm expanse of Keith's side. Keith squawked with indignation and squirmed, but Shiro had him effectively trapped underneath his heavier weight. Keith grabbed his wrist as his hand slid up over his abdomen, but the younger man didn't try to push it away, and that told Shiro all he needed to know.

His thumb brushed over one of Keith's nipples and as he expected it hardened almost immediately due to the cold. Keith gasped sharply and then he moaned.

"Shiro…"

Encouraged by the response Shiro's thumb circled and flicked over the sensitive flesh teasing it almost to the point of pain. Then Shiro dipped his head and replaced his fingers with his mouth. Keith bucked underneath him, nearly shouting with the first swipe of his tongue. The sharp contrast between his cold fingers and hot mouth probably intense. Keith's fingers dug into Shiro's shoulders as he sucked on first one nipple and then moved to the other. The younger man's legs tightened around his waist as Keith's erection dug into his stomach.

He looked up through the white fringe falling into his face to see Keith's beautiful exotic eyes locked on him, pupils blown wide with lust. Never looking away from those eyes, Shiro began to kiss his way lower over Keith's chest and stomach. When his tongue flicked into the younger man's navel Keith shivered and moaned desperately. He could only imagine how painful Keith's trapped erection had to be at this point.

When Shiro's lips hovered just above the waistband of the tight jeans he paused.

"Is this okay?" he asked, an eyebrow raised in question. Keith nodded without hesitation and Shiro wasted no time unzipping and tugging the tight material down the younger man's slender thighs. Keith lifted his hips without his prompting to ease the way, and soon Shiro was tossing the jeans and the younger man's underwear onto the floor.

Keith's legs fell open in invitation and his cock, now freed, rested hard, flushed, and leaking against his stomach. Shiro groaned softly at the sight. His hands caressed along the smooth soft skin of Keith's inner thighs and his mouth followed. Pressing soft kisses from Keith's knee up to his groin. He pressed a kiss to the base of Keith's cock, loving the way the younger man's breath hitched in his throat as he trailed his tongue up the underside from the base to the tip.

Keith's fingers combed through his hair as his tongue played over the head and tightened when his tongue dipped into the slit. Shiro licked up the precum that had dripped onto Keith's stomach, and a stream of colorful curses spilled from the younger man's lips that made Shiro grin. Keith frowned down at him and opened his mouth, probably to tell him to stop looking so damned smug. But before Keith could utter a word, Shiro wrapped his lips around his cock and sucked, earning him a beautiful moan instead as Keith's head fell back and his eyes fluttered closed. It was an utterly breathtaking sight.

Shiro took the younger man into his mouth slowly, savoring every inch of the cock that filled his mouth, and didn't stop until he felt the head of Keith's dick nudging at the back of his throat. He could feel Keith's thighs trembling beneath his hands as the younger man fought the urge to buck up into his throat.

As he bobbed his head, obscene wet sounds filled the small room. Shiro looked up through his lashes to find Keith biting his knuckles to silence himself. Shiro let Keith's cock slip from his lips with a pop and the younger man whined in complaint. Shiro reached up to tug Keith's hand away from his mouth and kissed his fingers.

"Don't. I want to hear you," Shiro explained, and went back down on the younger man. A beautiful moan immediately spilled from Keith's kiss swollen lips and Shiro savored the sound. He drank in the smell, taste, and heat of the younger man heavy on his tongue. He memorized how Keith looked, splayed out on his bed, wanton, trembling, and eyes like liquid amethyst gazing at him with lust and devotion. He took it all in, committed every sense to this memory, hoping that this would be the moment he remembered in his dreams from this night on. He knew it was a vain hope, but one he treasured all the same.

"Shiro... I'm... I'm gonna..." Keith's desperate warning spilled out between breathless moans and Shiro responded by taking the younger man as deep into his mouth as he could, sucking hard and moaning around the thick flesh. Keith's responding cry reverberated off the walls and the younger man lost the battle with himself. His hips bucked hard under Shiro's hands and he didn't even attempt to restrain the younger man even as Keith's cock nearly choked him. He didn't care when he felt Keith's seed hit the back of his throat. Shiro swallowed it down. Riding out the thrusts without complaint even though he knew his jaw and throat were going to be sore in the morning. He didn't care. He wanted it all. Everything Keith was willing to give him.

He didn't stop until he felt the younger man beginning to grow soft, and Keith's hands tugging at his hair and shoulders. Probably oversensitive at this point. Shiro reluctantly let Keith's cock fall from his lips, and pressed several kisses to the younger man's sweat dampened skin as he crawled back up the length of his body.

As soon as he was close enough, Keith's fingers tangled in his hair and pulled him down almost roughly to kiss him messily and didn't let him up again until they were both out of breath.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." Keith panted, his fingers trailing over Shiro's jaw for emphasis. Shiro turned to kiss those fingers tenderly.

"It's okay, I wanted you to," he reassured, his voice definitely rougher than before, and the way Keith's eyes darkened at the sound, Shiro had a feeling the younger man was going to be up for another round very soon. Oh, to be nineteen again. Shiro chuckled softly, and pressed a tender kiss to the corner of Keith's lips.

"Give me a couple minutes, okay? I'm going to get us a towel," he said, and with another quick peck to the younger man's lips, levered himself off of the bed and stood. His vest and undershirt hit the floor on the way to the bathroom and Shiro felt Keith's eyes on him the entire way. He finished stripping once he was there and cleaned up the worst of the mess with a damp towel. He was wetting another towel for Keith in the sink when he made the mistake of looking up at himself in the mirror.

Even after all this time, he was still shocked at the sight of himself. He'd mostly gotten used to the white hair and scar on his face, since those were the things he couldn't hide. But the mess of scratches, bites, slashes, and burns stood out in sharp relief on his too pale skin. He knew his back was a mess of crisscrossing lines, left by the laser whip that the druids were all too fond of using during their interrogations. His fingers of his left hand unconsciously went to the tight knotting of scar tissue around his right bicep where metal met flesh.

Keith said he didn't care. Shiro believed him. Keith had never once flinched away from touching him, even the worst of him. Even called him... beautiful. The sad truth was, no matter if Keith believed it, Shiro couldn't see it in himself. Despite Keith's insistence that he would _make_ him see it, Shiro wasn't sure that would ever be possible. That he would ever be able to see himself as more than this broken... thing... barely held together.

Shiro started slightly when he felt light fingers brush over his where he touched his arm. He looked up into the mirror and his eyes met Keith's. He had been so focused he hadn't even realized when the younger man had entered the room. He wondered how long he'd been lost in his head before Keith had come after him.

Keith didn't say anything, he simply pressed up against Shiro's back, and he could tell that the younger man had stripped down to nothing as he had. Warm skin was all he felt from his back to his thighs. Keith kissed his right shoulder, directly over a thick scar, then reached down to take his metal fingers in his hand.

"Come back to bed," Keith requested softly and Shiro nodded. The younger man smiled and brought the cool fingers to his lips, then gently led him out of the bathroom. The light shut off automatically behind them. Shiro didn't look back.

Maybe he didn't need to believe.  Maybe that Keith believed... maybe that was enough. 


End file.
